I have no more to give…..

 

So, now we have completed our family unit my next step is to return to work – full time.  I have had the odd few part-time jobs, which weren’t great, but made me feel better in myself until the hiccup for which your response was ‘well l would jack it in if l were you if it is that bad, and it is not like it is that many hours work in the week.’

For me the issue lays with the fact of your job and your lack of get up and go.

For many, many years now l have been bringing up your children whilst you were out pursuing your career as it is traditionally known. You work in a company which is predominately functioning on the ideology of patriarchy.

Although you moved departments, a chance for your own social mobility, who was the person that encouraged you to apply for the position as you were in two minds – me.  You got the job and you became happy again, you were learning new things, you received a new qualification.  The job even enabled you to eat and spend more time with the family and it was flexible you could (if needed to) work from home.  Homelife improved some what, l started feeling like even though we are married l was not a single parent anymore, you were able to do some school runs, attend school performances, things like that.  However, you received notice that the department you were now working for was having its funding withdrawn and you were all going back to your original positions.  This was bad news all round, for l had found another flexible job myself that allowed us to share child care and both earn an income.  This news also meant the return of your inflexible rota.  You were annoyed about having to go back to your old position, but have not had much get up and go about finding alternative employment.

When addressing your get up and go, l fully understand that you have a job and we need to have a crust coming in.  However, l can no longer deal with your child like tantrums which you bring home from work (l have bore the brunt of many of these over the last few years, none of which are physical, l must stress).  With this impending return date looming there has not been much production of change.  In my eyes you are just rolling over and playing dead in my eyes (possibly because you will still be earning a crust).  With this comes  fact that even though my job is flexible l will not be able to full fill to it’s potential, l will not be known as someone other than mum or wife, l will not be doing something that l enjoy and l will not be able to find what l class as meaningful employment but that of a dead end job – which society has no issue with me taking, but l do.

They say behind every good man is a strong woman, well l can no longer be strong, no longer have l the energy to kick you up the backside and motivate you in to finding something else.  I am mentally and physically exhausted.  You need to help yourself.  Talk to yourself in the mirror maybe and tell yourself exactly what you are telling our children about finding a job. After all it will highlight one thing – if you really want to change jobs.

The children are independent to a degree, but have medical issues which will never leave them but l hope l have instilled coping mechanisms in them so they can take responsibility for themselves, some of which you yourself like to take credit for.

Society expects me to get a job, well thats all fine, fair and well – l want to work and have my own identity, but how on earth can l when you have a job which is not flexible, has a rota that is so out of whack a pre-school child could schedule better, certainly not forgiving on the family front, and is so profoundly set in the ideology of patriarchy!

This might seem selfish and very stereotypical, but l have given up many years of my career to raise children we both wanted, so now when l come to ask for something for me, something my sacrifice has given you the privilege of doing – the same of which l am asking of you now – there is no give!

The short and long of it is, l want to work, you need to stop taking and give a little, you need to find your get up and go, that got up and went without you, show your children how to compromise, and hopefully make a household happy again.  I feel l have given all l can and l now have no more to give, the ball is in your court now.

Oh, and l am fully aware that as and when l return to full time work l will have two full time jobs, on of employment from an employer and the other, running the household,  you all still do not know how the washing machine works!

(To all that read this l am sorry if it seems like the rambling of a stressed out woman (which l am), who is just retelling something that of history repeating itself, but society does not work fairly for everyone, l believe meritocracy will never be achieved no matter who governs our land, and whilst their is still patriarchy woman will still suffer because of it.)

 

 

 

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – My Review

Where do l start….

For me this book was totally amazing, it went against the conformities of society for the time in which it was written.

When a single mother and her son move into the village they become the talk of it.  Mrs Graham moved to seclusion for a very good reason, to conceal herself and her son from her vulgar husband.  Her husband would not freely let her take their ‘child and what remains of her (my) fortune’, so she had to run under the cover of darkness to live a concealed, secluded life for the sake of her son.

Helen was young and impetuous when she first came across Mr Huntingdon.

Mr Huntingdon was a charmer who came with a reputation.  This reputation, known to most, was what Helen naively refused to see.  Helen tried to find the good in Mr Huntingdon, and if there were any slight errors in his ways believed that she could rectify them.  Helens’ aunt tried to dissuade Helen from becoming involved with Mr Huntingdon by putting her in the path of other worthy suitors, who were all rebuffed by Helen.

Once Helen became Mrs Huntingdon she soon discovered that Mr Huntingdon was not all she thought him to be.  Throughout their early married years she came to see that her choice of a suitor was not what she had bargained for.  However, Helen was not going to admit the error of her ways (her impetuousness), so she undertook her ‘duty’ very seriously, calmly and with decorum.   Arthur was, in fact, a selfish man who it seems could charm the birds out of the trees, possibly committing more than one adulterous crime (in my eyes).  Helen only wrote about the account of adultery that she found out about, that she was warned about but refused to hear the information which might have softened the blow.  Mr Huntingdon became a vulgar alcoholic who tried to commit his young son to follow in his foot steps.  He even offered for his friends to try it on with his wife/have their way with her, informing them that they had ‘his blessing’ to do so.   Mr Huntingdon, being the unsavoury character that he was even restricted/controlled the monies Mrs Huntingdon had access to after learning she planned to leave him having saved some money for hers and their sons passage.  Thus, forcing her to leave (with little Arthur) under the cover of darkness and live in relatively total seclusion, under a fictional name, more for the safety of her son than herself.

However, her concealment is under threat because of the gossip and the need for the villagers to become intimately acquainted with her, and her past.  One villager in particular falls head over heals in love with Mrs Helen Graham – Mr  Gilbert Markham.  Gilbert would so dearly like to put the gossiping to bed (defend her honour) but he does not know the whole story: like the rest he believes Mrs Graham is a widow living with her son.  After becoming intimately  acquainted Mrs Graham agrees to meet with Gilbert to explain why they can have only have a brother and sister type relationship, but he never goes to meet her, for he sees her with another  – Mr Lawrence and completely misreads the situation.  Gilbert fuelled by jealousy causes harm to Mr Lawrence when they are alone.  When Gilbert can resist the torment of his heart no longer of wanting to know why they can not be together he visits  Mrs Graham  at Wildfell Hall.  In offer of explanation, an injured, Helen gives Gilbert her manuscript to read…

…Whilst reading the manuscript he learns a lot about her past and how she has the conviction of seeing her mistake through right to the end, and how she would complain to no one.  He learns how monstrous Mr Huntingdon is, what Helen has had to endure throughout her marriage.  Alongside this, Gilbert learns how he completely misjudged Mr Lawrence, but is it too late to rectify his wrong doing?

Is Helen completely lost to Gilbert?  Would Helen ever be completely free of Mr Huntingdon?  Is there a future for Helen and Gilbert?  Can either of them be truly happy, together or apart?

There are other twists and turns before the book ends, which l will not spoil for you, but l will pose the question ‘how much more can/has Helen to endure?’

Could Mr Huntingdon be more villainous than Mr Wickham?  You will need to read ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ to answer that.

I loved every moment of this book from start to finish, it is a real page turner, you will have problems putting it down – just like l did!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Shadow Sister – My Review

Well the third book in the series of The Seven Sisters did not disappoint.  It was truly mesmerising, beautifully written with such detail that you are transported to both past and present.

I loved the fact that the story encompassed not only a King but Beatrix Potter too.  The detail was exquisite making you feel part of the era.  You not only experienced the personal emotions of Flora and Mrs Keppel, but also got a flavour for the society in which they lived, which certainly was not a bed of roses.

As for the present time characters, l fell in love with the old fashioned Orlando, the voice that my mind conjured was truly spot on for his eccentricities, which perfectly fitted his occupation – book shop owner (of rare books) and lover of all things book related.  I certainly loved the fact that there were references to classic authors such as Jane Austen and Bronte.  And not to forget the classic book Anna Karenina.

Mouse comes across as self-centred, but has his moments, moments where you need to re-read just to clarify you have the right character – Mouse.

Star, the main character is on a journey to discover who she is, where she has come from, and where she belongs.  Star is very quiet, mainly because her sister Ce Ce has always done the talking for her, so much so that her other sisters have worried about where Ce Ce finishes and Star begins.  Will Star be able to make this journey without her sister, can she be separated from her sister, can she make her way on her own?

The added touch of mythology made a particular character become endearing to me.

And still, l get the feeling that all is not what it seems, that there is another story quietly simmering away in the back ground, l just can not put my finger on it.  But love the mystery that is surrounding it.

I wait, impatiently, for the next book in the series.

I See You – My Review.

My review for Clare MacIntosh’s second novel – I See You.

This second novel is fantastic, chillingly written and heart stopping.

As a modern day thriller, chillingly written, you find yourself unnerved and questioning aspects of your own life.

I found myself, as a female, emotionally invested in Zoe Walkers heart stopping journey.

The pace matches the thrill, so much so you are unable to put the book down.  You think you have an inkling as to who it is, but you are thwarted in this because ……. your inkling is taking you down a garden path.

The story is so realistic, with a motive that is heartbreakingly selfish, but not uncommon, especially in this day and age.

I feel that like the first novel -I Let You Go, this one too has left the door open!

My Review: The Angel Tree

The Angel Tree is another amazingly written book by Lucinda Riley.  Once again you have no choice but to become absorbed in the characters lives.

Will Greta be able to regain her memory that she has been locked out of since her accident?  If she is able to regain her memory will she like what she remembers, or is it best that it stays locked away?

The book is throughly enchanting, with the twists and turns of events that are a result of the manipulation of one of the characters, which has an impact on all of the other characters lives.   The heartache that you feel for the characters keeps you turning the pages to find out what happens.  Will it all end well?

Alongside the darkness and destruction there is also love, however for some this love is unrequited – but who for?  You will have to read the book to find out.

 

 

 

 

My Review:- The Storm Sister

Ally’s story is the second in the Seven Sisters series by Lucinda Riley.

Like Maia’s story, Ally’s journey is beautifully and intricately written.  Ally’s story is full of spellbinding emotions both past and present.  They are that spellbinding that you can not help but become intwined with Ally’s emotional rollercoaster.  Not only are you intwined with Ally but you are privileged to become emotionally involved with in her ancestors history.  Ally’s heritage is truly breathtaking.

Through Lucinda Rileys’ beautifully descriptive writing you are transported to different times and different parts of the Globe,  add to this the faint undertones of Tess of the D’Urbervilles and you are unable to put the book down.

I can not quite put my finger on it but l also feel that there is a quietly bubbling and mysterious hidden story within these stories, which leaves one question……….

Is all what it seems?

I could be wrong, but only time and books will tell, needless to say l can not wait to read about the other sisters.

 

My review – The Seven Sisters

A beautifully written book about the first of seven sisters.

Each one of the sisters has been adopted by their father Pa Salt.  And upon his death leaves each of the sisters a clue as to their true heritage.

This is Maia story……..

Maia, although, unsure whether or not to go in search of her heritage receives an unwelcome telephone message which prompts her to flee her beautiful childhood home – Atlantis – temporarily, and runs to her past.

Her heritage is that of beauty, tinged with sadness and forbidden love.

The layers of the story are beautifully detailed, they transport you to the era in which they were written for.  You are totally emersed in the surroundings (through the detail – which are exquisite), and feel yourself morph into the main characters of each layer.   Their heartache – becomes your heartache, the danger of the repercussions for their action is felt by yourself, the twists and turns of the roller coaster ride that their emotions take throughout the book – become yours and much, much more.

Was it right for Maia to unearth her past, or should she have not gone in search of it……  Will her past help her future?

For me, the book was enthralling, atmospheric, tear jerking, with subtle twists.

I can not wait to find out the remaining sisters stories.

 

My review of – By Force Of Instinct.

Most books that l read have me hooked, but this book -By Force Of Instinct- has me so hooked that l never want it to end.  I was not even at the end of the first chapter before l became completly and utterly enthralled in its spell.  l want to be greedy and read it in one sitting, but l feel l need to savour every word and take my time.

It takes nothing away from Jane Austens’, ‘Pride and Prejudice’  and the love story of Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, but it gives another variation of the story, which too is truly believable, whilst being fully respectful of the period of time it was written for.  As well as being full of twists and turns, taking you through many emotions and turmoils, you will find it contains tasteful touch of spice.

You find out more about the handsome Mr Darcy……What l would not give to be Elizabeth Bennet!

This book is magically entertaining, full of prose (which l love to read), it will captivate you from the start – especially if you can not get enough of Mr Darcy- it will transport you to your most dreamiest of ‘Jane Austen/Mr Darcy‘ places of escapism, and the magnetism it has will keep you there.

I know one thing for sure, my copy is for keeps and l will not be parting with it – ever!

 

 

My Family, and The Rare Medical Condition.

So, it seems that if you have this rare medical condition, you must also have special needs, according to those in the educational system.

The lack of knowledge regarding this medical condition seems to make everyone panic!

My child does not have learning problems/special needs, but has a physical disability that it only noticeable when having an episode.

Therefore sending my child to a “special” taster day for further education is not what is needed.  To be sat there making grass-heads, please this was done and dusted in pre-school.   We are now embarking on our G.C.S.E’s.  With school reports reporting that we are on the right track,  grades wise, what cause was there for this today?  I am at a loss to understand why.

With this rare condition physical help is what is required during episodes, educationally we are sound!!!  More understanding is required!!!